In Need Of A Dictionary
by Alien Altered
Summary: It wasn't need and it sure wasn't love, because he's Chuck Bass and he doesn't feel those things. But with her bag of clothes hidden under his bed and his spare key tucked in her wallet this was sure feeling like more than sex. Chuck/Serena.


…

…

You wake up with her back pressed flat against your chest and your arms holding her protectively. Breathing in the scent of her luscious blonde hair as it trails over her shoulder, you detach your tangled bodies. You pull your sheets up over her again and turn on the coffee, knowing that she'll stay for breakfast, after all she stopped running out a month ago. The smell of coffee wakes her up and she emerges from your room, now clad in your boxers and one of your shirts. Her hair is in disarray and her figure is hidden by your shirt, but when she walks close enough you kiss her anyway. She suggests going for a walk, and this is sure beginning to feel like more than casual sex, but you agree anyway.

…

You see her chatting to some other guys and you your stomach clenches in time with your jaw. She doesn't see you so you stay watching as her laugh lights up the guys faces. And for a guy who's not in a relationship you're sure starting to get jealous. That night she shows up at your door and lets herself in with the key you gave her a week ago. She uses your bathroom and then crashes on your couch and the two of you watch movies until you fall asleep. You tell yourself that it doesn't mean anything, that you were just tired and that's why you didn't make it into her pants, but truthfully you were more than happy to sit with your arm around her while she threw popcorn at the TV. And this was sure starting to feel like more than a fling with her bag of clothes hidden under your bed and your spare key tucked in her wallet.

…

You go to brunch at the Waldorf's. It's a big thing, celebrating the latest release of Eleanor's range. There's models parading around serving drinks, and tables set with white clothes and you try to not stare as Serena's blue dress swirls with Nate on the dance floor. You try and not worry, but Nate's Nate and the girls you like tend to run to him. Not that you like Serena or anything. You sit at a table with Nathanial, Blair, Serena, Isabel, Kati, Hazel, Penelope and the rest of Blair's followers and when Blair mentions something about Cabbage Patch, your hand instinctively finds Serena's and wraps around it. But it's not like you care or anything. However when Eleanor asks everyone to dance, you bow to Serena and press your body to hers, swaying along to the music and watching her smile. No one knows, and neither of you want it public knowledge that you're regular bed-buddies, so as soon as Blair changes partners, Serena sashays to Nathanial and you watch their bodies move. Knowing you have no right to be worried.

…

She tells you she's going away with Blair for the week and you act like an ass. You drip your voice with crude remarks, and cruel words and when she walks out of your door you slam it behind her. Because you're not going to miss her. The week passes slowly, the days filled with Nathanial, and the nights empty, because it never even occurs to you to bring anyone home. Your place feels empty, and is too silent, so you escape to the river where you sit and think about why you feel so glum. After all, you don't love her, and you don't need her. Because you're Chuck Bass and you've never needed anyone in your life, nor do you know how to love. But you want her.

…

Serena and Blair arrive home, and you're at the airport to meet them. You see Serena and you immediately rush to her and kiss her, wrapping your arms around her securely and fusing your lips to hers. You don't care who's watching, you don't care if the whole world knows. Because you don't love her, and you don't need her, but by god you've missed her.

…

Gossip Girl is having a field day with the photo of you and Serena, and everywhere either of you go there's people whispering your names, and how ever indifferent you are to them; it's starting to piss Serena off. You yell at some little boy who was ballsy enough to ask if you two were dating and he runs away. But it's not like you did that because you knew if you didn't she would, and you didn't want her feeling guilty.

…

She walks into the party with her long blonde hair cascading down her back and her black dress hugging her figure. She goes to slip past you, on her way to see Blair and you grab her arm and pull her into a spare room. Your lips are on hers as soon as the door shuts and for the first time in your life you don't want to do more. You kiss her, and hold her, and tell her she looks beautiful. And when Nate stumbles into the room with a slightly intoxicated girl on his arm you clear off. You hold her hand and walk back into the noise. You don't love her, you don't need her. But you want her, you want this. You want her beside you, in your arms, holding your hand; doing the whole couple thing that used to make you gag.

…

She rests your head on your bare chest, listening to your thundering heartbeat and you're tempted to say something painfully tacky like 'it beats for you'. But this isn't need and it isn't love, because you're Chuck Bass. But you're pretty sure that also means you're a liar. You hold her close and whisper the truth into her ear; because this has become everything you said it wasn't. And she doesn't question your stuttering or your words, because she'd been telling herself the same lies for weeks, and she knew the truth before you told her.

"I think I love you."

"I think I love you too."


End file.
